Conversation Kit: Question #16
You better believe I have a stack of old birthday cards from Grandma Marilyn tucked away in one of my desk drawers.
Hello, and welcome back to Conversation Kit, where I share tried-and-true questions for meaningful conversation.
This week’s question is inspired by a conversation between my dad and his mother Marilyn, recorded a year or so before she died: What’s a small thing you like to do to show someone you care?
Why I love this prompt: Asking someone how they show kindness can reveal their values, influences, and even their love language. Plus, there’s been a lot of unkindness in the news and social media the last few weeks—even more than usual—so it’s a good time to reflect on how we can show more compassion to people around us.
When my dad was interviewing Grandma Marilyn about the topic of compassion, he brought up the example of her faithfully sending birthday cards to each of her grandchildren each year. These cards didn’t just bear her signature; they always included a heartfelt message that showed she cared. (They were also nearly indecipherable because of her loopy cursive, but I felt proud the first year I could read her handwriting without help from my dad.)
Marilyn’s birthday cards influenced my own family too. We can’t imagine sending a birthday card without writing why we love that person and why we’re grateful they’re in our lives. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that one of my love languages now is words of affirmation, too.
Here’s what Marilyn said about why she started that practice:
Birthday cards are very important to me because I think birthday cards show you can put down your feelings of how you feel—really, truly feel—and make somebody else happy while you're doing it. And it means a lot to me to make somebody else happy… My mother and dad never celebrated my birthday. I don't remember one birthday party I ever had. And it is because they had different ideas about it probably. But I think about it, I just could never do that to any of my children or anybody that was very close to me.
You don’t have to wait until someone’s birthday to show you care. Send them a letter without an occasion; it’ll make their day.
Another way to show your loved one you care is to record their personal history!
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